Feelin’ a bit run down? Does your back hurt? Is there a sharp pain stabbing at you between the eyeballs? Do your muscles throb? Do your joints ache? Are you plagued by jagged, deep-seated pains in the ol’ rear seat?
Although you won’t find these symptoms in any medical textbook, you could very well be suffering from the effects of tour-date withdrawal. Runny noses, swollen glands, petrified internal organs – it’s possible that these signs, plus others too horrific to mention on a family Web site such as this, have been known to afflict people who neglect to include a healthy dose of tour dates, such as the Queens Of The Stone Age routing or the Alicia Keys itinerary, in their daily diet.
Strange isn’t it? That something so good, like the short run of Tito Puente, Jr. dates, might inadvertently cause one to suffer intense pain and misery. But that’s the way addictions work. You’re going along feeling fine. That is, as long as you’re looking at the new dates for Hank III or the San Diego date for U2. But once you stop looking – Oh, baby! There’s trouble in River City!
Needless to say, all of us here at Pollstar.com are worried about tour-date addiction, for we want all of our users to live healthy, normal lives. That’s why we’d like to take this opportunity to tell you that we’re working on a cure, a remedy that will help ease the pain and eliminate the tremors, spasms and involuntary projectile vomiting that has been associated with tour-date dependency. Yes, we’d like to tell you that we’re on the case, and that there will come a day when no one on this planet shall have to worry about the painful trauma associated with tour-date withdrawal.
Yes, we’d like to tell you all of that, but truth be told, we can’t.
You see, the free-content-on-the-Web business isn’t what it used to be. What with the price of bandwidth, office supplies and kegs of Guinness constantly rising, we hardly have enough money at the end of the month to meet our employees’ six-figure salary demands, let along fund a massive scientific research study into why a person’s hair falls out if he doesn’t get enough Fritz’s Polka Band dates, or why some people complain of impotency when cut off from the schedules for Yanni and Barry Manilow. Heck, the price of pop-ads alone, those humorous little windows that magically appear when you land on our home page, has risen well over 200 percent in the past year. Sure, we’d like to get rid of them, but all of our research data indicates that it’s those little extras that keep people coming back to Pollstar.com in order to satisfy that tour date itch.
So if we can’t put out the fire, at least we can fan the flames. That’s why we’re constantly adding new shows to the Pollstar.com tour database. Whether it’s the schedule for The Bruce Katz Band, Bright Eyes or Tim McGraw, we’re working 24/7 to ensure that this Web site is a temporary shelter from all the misery, sadness, torment and suffering brought about by being cut of from the tour dates that make life worth living. We may not be able to offer you a patch, a chewing gum, or a 10-day rehab program to help you kick the tour-date habit, but we can provide all the concert schedules needed to make this little Web site your refuge against the agony and torment brought about by itinerary dependence. That’s the Pollstar.com promise. Our contract with you.
For we have a saying at Pollstar.com, a little platitude that sums up our entire approach to tour date addiction – We may not be part of the solution. But at least we’re part of the problem.