If that was you, you’re not alone, for latest nonsensical surveys indicate that over 95 percent of Americans believe that something should be done about music’s current state of affairs. Furthermore, 87 percent of the initial 95 percent live in fear that one of today’s popular artists, perhaps an Alicia Keys or a Toby Keith, might do something that someone somewhere might find objectionable and/or lacking in taste. While these numbers are inconclusive, if not effusive, the figures do represent a trend pointing upward on the decency scale.

Of course, the public has long been concerned about the music industry ever since Janet Jackson announced to the world that she has a mammary gland positioned on the upper right portion of her body, leading many people to speculate as to how many other stars have something that should not be seen nor spoken of, else this country sinks further into the bottomless pit of depravity that is symbolized by obscene body parts, organs, and other things that are best left unseen.

Plus, the cards and letters keep coming in. “What if Elton John was to strip to the waist while performing ‘Candle In The Wind?’ writes one concerned citizen. “What would I tell my children?” Another writes; “What if Bob Dylan showed off his navel while singing ‘Like A Rolling Stone?’ Can you imagine the shock? The outrage?? Ehhhhhh???”

And the complaints continue, with over 84 percent of music fans admitting that they’re overwhelmed by thoughts that Rob Thomas might let slip with an expletive, or that a flaw in his jeans might cause Dwight Yoakam to let loose with a hunk of his trunk. Clearly, when it comes to what today’s pop stars might do, the public is worried that something may pop.

But what to do?

Of course, the usual response – organized, yet unruly mobs marching on the music centers of this great nation in support of preventing artists from displaying or even mentioning various locations on their bodies that are better left to the those lacking an imagination – is a no brainer. But after public discourse, public disobedience, and public lynchings, what else can one do? After all, when one considers just how many crude and disgusting, if not downright filthy, body parts that might belong to some of the biggest acts in show biz, like Sting or Jack Johnson, a righteous purge of everything deemed indecent might be beyond the means of decency-minded citizens everywhere.

Fortunately, there is hope, for a consortium consisting of the biggest names in the entertainment business has pledged to clean up today’s music scene. They propose to disinfect Duran Duran, purify Papa Roach and sanitize Steve Winwood. All for your protection, of course.

However, there is one small problem, a proverbial fly in the ointment, so to speak. For even though this consortium is gung-ho on purging all that might offend us, they’ve reached a stumbling block, an impasse as to how they should clean up the music industry.

For starters, they can’t come to an agreement on whether they should use Mr. Clean or Lysol, while others favor Bounty, if only because it’s the quicker picker upper. We’ll keep you posted.