“Think nothing of it, Harry. Have a seat. What can I do for you?”

“Well, sir, I was wondering if…”


“That is, if it wasn’t too much trouble…”

“Yes? What is it?”

“I was hoping…”

“Out with it man! Just say it.”

“I want a raise, sir.”

“I see. Money problems, eh? Kids need braces? Wife wants Botox? No, lemme guess. You want a new SUV.”

“No, sir. It’s nothing like that. It’s… It’s…”

“Oh, come on, man, just say it.”



“Concerts, sir. My wife and I love concerts. In fact, we were really hoping to see Celine Dion, the Eagles and R.E.M., but a dollar doesn’t go as far as it used to.”

“Right. How much are we paying you, Harry?”

“$5,200,000 per year, sir.”

“And how much do you think you should be making?”

“Well, sir, I was hoping for $10,000,000 per year.”

“What? $10 mil? Are you kidding?”

“But you’re paying Barry $15,000,000.”

“Who told you that?”

“Heck, it’s all over the place. Just like Marvin getting $4.2 million or Ray getting just over $5 mil.”

“Yeah, all right. Tell me, Harry, just how much did you spend on concerts last year?”

“Hmmm… Last year the wife and I saw Jimmy BuffettLou ReedJimmy Sturr And His Orchestra… Lessee, all in all we spent about $2,513,831 on concert tickets, sir.”

“What? All that on concerts?”

“Oh, no, sir. That’s only for the tickets. We also spent about $800,000 on service charges, $250,000 on parking and $123,000 on concessions. That adds up to about $3,563,831.”

“And you want $10,000,000? For concerts?”

“Yes, sir. But just not for me, sir. I promised the kids I’d take them to see . Plus, I was hoping I could afford to buy my dad a pair of tickets for Hilary Duff. My mother’s been dropping hints about wanting to see the Queensryche, and my nephew wants a subscription to Pollstar Premium. Oh, and my kids from my first marriage -“

“Enough. Tell you what, Harry. I’ll give you $7,500,000.”




“$8,500,000 and that’s my final offer.”

“But… But… I still have to buy Kylie Minogue tickets. Also Neil Diamond, Tim McGraw and U2.”

“$8,500,000, Harry.”


“Take it or leave it.”

“Well… I guess I could make it stretch. Thank you, sir.”

“You’re welcome, Harry. Now, go out there and win some ball games.”