Just about everyone! From sea to shining sea, from Seattle to Miami, today’s pundits are taking a break from their usual in-depth political analysis to praise the 2005 concert scene.

Thinking about checking out the Green Day tour? Rush Limbaugh says that the band’s stratospheric ticket sales are proof that “traditional conservative values are alive and well in America,” while top Fox talker Bill O’Reilly says that the band is “definitely loofah-worthy,” and newspaper maven Ann Coulter says “it’s time to take all the liberals out back and shoot them.” Yes, everyone is talking about concerts.

But it doesn’t stop there. A spin up and down the radio dial or some serious channel surfing reveals that just about everyone has concerts on the brain. Bow-tie Titan, Tucker Carlson describes the Brian Wilson tour as “direct evidence that the atrocities committed by the Clinton administration are now a thing of the past,” while suspender-clad fashion plate Larry King portrays a Moby concert as “the best thing since Welch’s Grape Juice,” and after seeing an extraordinary performance by U2, Ann Coulter was moved to write, “it’s time to take all the liberals out back and shoot them.” Seems as if people just can’t stop talking about concerts.

And no wonder! After all, concerts, like shows by Mark Knopfler, Motley Crue and Lifehouse, form the social bedrock upon which moral values and patriotic pandering thrive in this great country of ours. Whether it’s Hardball hurler Chris Matthews describing an Avril Lavigne performance as yet “another example of a Canadian showing blue-state quiche-eaters what democracy is all about,” Sean Hannity saying that Jimmy Buffett has exposed self-proclaimed progressive Americans “wasted away latte-bingers in Margaritaville,” or Ann Coulter uging all good patriots to take the “nearest liberal who doesn’t agree with Ted Nugent out back and shoot ’em,” talk show gadflies the world over are rewriting the music books to show that a good concert, like a good American, is conservative, flashy, and above all, loud. Who would have thunk it?

Yes, it’s a new day dawning in today’s Concert America. A day proclaiming that performance reviews and artist interviews are no longer the private domains of left-wing music critics, liberal rock & roll magazines and decadent Hollywood-based entertainment/news TV shows. Forget about Lester Bangs, Jann Wenner and Robert Hilburn. Today’s music journalism scene is made up of all the pundits, loud mouths and demagogues that have transformed our national discourse into the spectator sport that we have all grown to know and love. They espouse traditional family values AND Oasis shows. They promote conservative ideology while describing Cher’s numerous wardrobe changes and they laud Drowning Pool as an example of everything that’s right with America. Yes, our great political thinkers are thinking about concerts, and they’re telling good Americans like you how to think as they think each and every day. Surprised? We know we were.

But what’s more surprising is that they know just as much about concerts as they do about everything else.