You long-time readers know what we’re talking about. We’re referring to that story we ran recently about Alanis Morissette, and how she was planning on renouncing her show-biz career so that she could retire to a Canadian nunnery, where she’ll spend the rest of her days tapping syrup from maple trees and pruning donut bushes. Sure it was a good story, one of those introspective yarns that really makes one think. However, there was one small problem with the story.

It wasn’t true.

Just like that story we ran about Tom Petty & The Heartbreakers. You know, the one we published a couple of weeks ago where we reported that The Heartbreakers were, in reality, a bunch of flesh-hungry zombies bent on munching their way across America? That wasn’t true either.

In fact, as it turns out, we recently ran several stories that didn’t exactly ping the truth meter. Like the one about Sting replacing Vince Neil in Motley Crue, and doing a reworking of his first solo hit to be called, “If You Love Someone, Chain Them To A Tree.” Nope. Wasn’t true. Never was.

You see, it all goes back to this one reporter of ours, Jayson Hare, and his column, “It Takes A Lot Of Hare To Print This.” Unfortunately, we discovered way too late that the Pulitzer Prize-winning reporter was a fraud; and that stories like “Elton John Joins World Wrestling Federation,” and “Judas Priest Cast Deciding Ballot For New Pope,” were total figments of his imagination.

Needless to say, we’ve fired his sorry butt. After all, if a Web site such as this one, a site dedicated to truth, justice and the concert way, can’t stand behind reports like “Bruce Springsteen Joins NRA,” or “John Mellencamp Says ‘Death To Cougars,’ then what’s the use? After all, if you can’t believe stories like “PETA Taps Ted Nugent For President,” then you can’t believe the dates we post for Loggins & Messina or Stevie Nicks and Don Henley, either, and all that sweat and hard work we’ve put into this Web site for the past 80 years goes straight down the proverbial drain.

So, you can forget all those stories that you’ve read on this Web site. Stories like “Avril Lavigne To Have Neil Diamond’s Love Child,” or the one that ran last week about the man who had hits with such songs as “Allison” and “Watching The Detectives,” and how he’s writing a musical based on the life of Sinclair Lewis to be called “Babbit & Costello.” Not true, never was, won’t be true. In fact, every story written during the past year by the man formerly known as Pollstar.com’s ace reporter is fraudulent and should not be believed. So, forget you’ve ever read them. Purge them from your memory, and delete them from your cerebral recycle bin. The stories were fakes. Every single one of them.

Well, almost all of them.

You see, aside from making up stories like “New York Dolls Hire Barbie, Fire Ken,” and “Bob Dylan Records Duet With Luciano Pavarotti,” our wayward, ex-reporter was also responsible for all of our stories about the Michael Jackson trial. And, as you probably already know, no one can make that stuff up.