And you might have caught those rumblings on one of the cable news shows claiming that such a move would enable us to deliver tour schedules for The Suicide Machines and Bright Eyes for a much lower cost than current market values allow. After all, just like everything else in the 21st century, chips power the engines that power the economy. If we were to suddenly start relying on a cheaper chip, who knows what might happen next? Cheaper cars? More plentiful Coldplay tickets? More episodes of Britney’s Chaotic?

And you might have heard those denouncements emanating from the mouths of radio and TV talk show hosts, claiming that’s switching to a cheaper chip for displaying tour schedules for AnBerlin, Dream Theater and The Tragically Hip, is just one more sign that liberalism is dead, and that we should drive a stake through the feeble heart of New Dealism and move on to supply-side, trickle-down, tax-cut economics where everyone prospers. At least, everyone who matters.

Yes, you may have heard a lot of things. Rumors on how we’re about to abandon our long-time chip supplier. Gossip about how we’re so eager to sign on with Intel that we’ve already ordered those “Inside” stickers, put all our employees in a group and painted them an aqua shade of blue.

But, as everybody knows, rumors are a dime per dozen in the tour data industry. However, we’re not about to quit our long-time chip supplier, even if it does mean being able to distribute dates for Stevie Nicks, Paul McCartney and The Rolling Stones at a fraction of the expense we now endure. That’s because loyalty still stands for something at For loyalty is as American as apple pie, baseball and a good, old-fashioned Vegas lap dance. Switching chips just wouldn’t be good business. Not for you. Not for the dates for The Damned and Bruce Springsteen. Not for America. In other words, we’re going to stay with the chips that have served us well these many, many years.

Besides, as everybody knows, when those chips are Lays, nobody can eat just one.