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Tours de Farce: Social Insecurity
As Americans look to other means in which to feather their retirement nest eggs, many economists are suggesting that concert tickets for bands like U2 and The Rolling Stones, might provide more secure retirement opportunities than traditional pension plans or 401k accounts. Furthermore, these same economists are predicting that many baby boomers, once they retire, would rather see a good show along with a solid support act, than rely on Social Security or other plans where one receives but a few cents per dollar earned.
On the surface, it all makes sense. After all, if you were able to choose between receiving a fraction of your former paycheck each and every month after retiring, or receiving a pair of tickets for Santana or Kelly Clarkson each month, which would you pick? While the money could go towards necessities, such as food, clothing and shelter, a monthly ration of concert tickets, for instance, a pair of tickets for Lonestar or The Doors Of the 21st Century, would offer you the chance to keep on rocking well into your golden years. When you get right down to it, it’s merely a case of reorganizing your priorities.
Now we’re not saying that you should go without food or shelter once you retire. Nor are we saying that you should skimp on clothing. After all, naked and starving senior citizens lining up at the arena door to see Green Day is not what most people have in mind when contemplating retiring. However, life is filled with choices, and once you frame it as a choice between a couple of cans of tuna per month vs. seeing Pearl Jam or The Allman Brothers Band, the final decision should be obvious.
But there are other ways to remain clothed, fed and well-ticketed. Selling your family’s old knickknacks on eBay, cutting back on energy consumption and renting out your kids’ rooms after they move out are just a few of the many ways you can have food and clothing AND see Black Eyed Peas or Duran Duran. You see? It’s not such a gloomy picture after all. Is it?
Of course, there are those who claim that relying on the government to hand out monthly ticket allotments, thus enabling retirees to see Ben Folds, Oasis and Jethro Tull, is a fool’s errand. Who would pick the tickets? Who would pick the shows? Would seniors have a choice between seeing the Dave Matthews Band in Los Angeles or San Francisco? Or would they have to accept what’s given to them, regardless of travel time to the venue, or bathroom wait time once arrived?
Yes, there are a lot of questions when it comes to choosing between a monthly payout based on past wages earned, or a pair of tickets for Neil Diamond and Van Morrison. Questions about concerts, gold circle seating, show times and set lists. Plus there’s all those questions about support acts, parking fees and reduced orthopedic T-shirt prices for seniors. In fact, when it comes to replacing retirement funds with concert tickets, there are thousands of questions. More questions than we can address within the limited space of this column. However, we can offer a simple solution. A one-size-fits-all response to the almost limitless amount of questions put forth regarding the topic of retirement and concert tickets.
What it boils down to is this; when it comes to the government and your retirement benefits, it’s best not to ask too many questions.