Of ‘Chaotic’ And Cheetos

Now that Britney Spears and Kevin Federline have jumped on the “reality” TV bandwagon, television critics seem to have found the sort of watershed event that allows them to really flex their writing chops.

For those who have not seen an episode of “Britney and Kevin: Chaotic” on UPN, and that would apparently include almost anyone breathing, the critical consensus is summed up by a writer who asked where he could apply to have an hour of his life back.

Apparently, watching Spears say her signature “y’all” too many times, in too much night-vision green light, is not the only thing wrong with the show.

Other choice comments:

“I can’t say that the sheer narcissism is the main problem, since that may be a byproduct of the overwhelming stupidity showcased here,” Entertainment Weekly‘s Josh Wolk mused. “Which came first, the chicken or the moron?”

Tom Shales of The Washington Post thought the show had more unintelligible visual gibberish than if the video was shot by a 2-year-old or a 100-year-old “granny.”

“Actually, there is no need to insult children and grandmothers here; the program was an execrable mess by any standard,” Shales said.

Amy DiLuna of the New York Daily News added that, “In the time it took me to scarf a bag of Cheetos … I had already given this clunker an orange-stained thumbs down.”

But the mainstream press can be so snobby and unforgiving. So Pollstarplumbed the depths of the blogosphere to see what the “common people” were saying, and stumbled upon this tidbit from Defamer.com:

“You might find that smashing yourself in the genitals with a toaster oven is something of an overreaction to Federline’s shower scene, but you would be wrong. It’s the only sensible thing to do.

“If Federline’s shower induced the kind of toaster-aided neutering we described above, a fitting response to the part where Britney shoots her knees in close-up, then exclaims (we’re not making this up) ‘They look like boobs, but they’re not. (beat) They’re my knees!’ is the immediate slaughter of anyone with an IQ above 60 who had to hear those words.”

Fortunately, Pollstar‘s editorial staff was washing its hair that evening.