A goofy, mixed-up, outlandish, sometimes unbelievable world. A world where anything can happen, where everything can happen and none of it seems to make sense.

That is, none of it except the new tours.

Yeah, it’s an oddball, lunatic fringe kind of world in which we live. Which is why the new tours are more important than ever as schedules for bands like The Slackers and artists like Bryan Adams and George Fox bring their special binding power to the multitudes, uniting friend and foe alike in a deep sense of understanding, tolerance and brotherly love.

Amazing, isn’t it? Amazing that various lists depicting dates, cities and venues can bring so much joy, so much happiness and internal regularity that breaks through the mental constipation that all to often inflicts one and all. But that’s the story of the new tours, those calendar-like postings depicting magical days when Ryan Adams & The Cardinals or Richard Thompson will be coming to your town. A brief look at the schedule for Elton John can enlighten even the darkest gloom of the spirit, bring fair weather to the stormiest of all psyches and sooth even the most savage of all souls. Simply put, the new tours are our salvation, our respite from a world gone mad.

Imagine what our lives would be like without the new tours. A sad thought, indeed, but one worth pondering if only to further appreciate the healing power of a schedule for Po’ Girl or a list of show dates for Slim Jim Phantom or Olivia Newton-John. What would the day be like if there were no new dates for Pieces Of A Dream, or additional big city shows for Dave Matthews Band, U2 or The Rolling Stones? A dark day, for sure. A day without happiness and pleasure. A day without wonder and joy. A day without love.

But such dark days need not arrive. Not when we have new tours, such as the latest schedules for Michael W. Smith and Maria Taylor, upon which to feast one’s eyes. For all one need do is immerse one’s self in the itinerary for Love Equals Death, the dates for Stand or the latest routing for Tha MuseMeant to feel that all is right with the world. That good will triumph over evil, that love will vanquish hate, that Avril Lavigne playing in Las Vegas on August 13 will bring the ultimate gladness and ecstasy that makes life worth living.

So forget your troubles and banish your fears. The new tours are here. Dates for Kris Kristofferson, Little Brother and Ja Rule are only a mouse click away. Clicking on the schedule for G.B.H. will ease your worries about Social Security; reading the listing for Bowling For Soup will reaffirm that we are all brothers and sisters on God’s green Earth; and eyeballing the schedule for The White Stripes will remind you that there is more to humanity than making ends meet, putting food on the table and watching American Idol. Like some magical elixir, like some potent potable from Merlin’s mystical bag of tricks, the new tours will allow you to forget everything that’s bad in this crazy, mixed-up, goofy, weird and wild world that we call home.

Well, almost everything.

For truth be told, you can look up as many new tours as you like, including the latest schedules for Terence Blanchard, Maximo Park and Sam Bush, yet you’ll still be plagued by the memory of what Tom Cruise did on Oprah. However, rest assured, we’re working on a solution. We’ll keep you posted.