In our last episode, Jillian was about to break up with Paul after she had discovered the U2 tickets that he had stolen from Gwendolyn. Meanwhile, Harold, while posing as a Dave Matthews Band roadie, had just discovered that Marilyn had been counterfeiting Ozzfest tickets in her kitchen in hopes of raising enough cash to buy milk for her newborn infant, Sara, who in reality was not her daughter, but the evil offspring of an unholy alliance between Jeffrey and Dania, the couple who had met briefly last summer while backstage at the Brian Wilson concert. However, unbeknownst to Leslie, her fiancĂ©e Ricardo was desperately attempting to contact the space aliens that once abducted him when he was a child, and forced him to translate the entire works of Bob Dylan into the aliens’ native tongue, which at that time consisted of only two syllables, three consonants and one prepositional phrase. It is Ricardo’s hope that the aliens, once contacted, will rescue Farah and Sidney from the clutches of Gertrude, Queen of The Neil Diamond groupies. As we join today’s episode, we hear Kathryn say:

“When will it happen, Robert? Are you just another insane record company executive? Or will Axl really release Chinese Democracy within our lifetimes? Tell me, Robert! Tell me before I kill again!”

Will Robert reveal what he knows about Axl? Will Michael come to grips with the fact that the Vans Warped Tour will not let him perform his trick flatulence act on the Kevin Says stage? Will Judy, who, in another life, was actually Sally from Brooklyn, rescue her friends Herman and Maude from the bloodthirsty Moby cult? Will Abraham survive the shipwreck on Ticket Island? And, if so, will the local natives allow him to meet their Ticket Master? The answers to these questions and more may be found in our next exciting episode of… The Dates Of Our Lives.