Tours de Farce: Here Come Da Judge
But we weren’t surprised to see Air Force One touch down on our private airstrip, for this company has a long tradition of advising presidents on selecting Supreme Court nominees. From FDR’s attempts to pack the court over fifty years ago to Clinton wanting to nominate Diana Ross as the ultimate Supreme in 1992, we’re proud to say we’ve been privy to every president’s inner decision-making process when it comes to the highest court in the land.
And why not? After all, when you spend each day dealing with the concert industry in regards to touring schedules for bands like The String Cheese Incident and artists like Gillian Welch and Rod Stewart, helping presidents select Supreme Court justices is second nature to us. There’s a unique relationship between picking judges and publishing dates for Steve Hackett, Theory Of A Deadman and Laurie Anderson. A relationship built on wisdom, knowledge and a keen eye for detail that naturally lends itself to surveying the legal landscape for the man or woman who might shape the court for the next 20 or so years. Publishing dates for The Hives or picking Supreme Court Justices – it’s all pretty much the same thing when you get right down to it.
And man, oh, man, the president was ready to get down! He showed us the presidential iPod, which was filled with every band playing on this year’s Ozzfest tour, and we showed him the new dates we had just received for Michelle Shocked and Arrested Development. Needless to say, we were both impressed.
Finally, after giving President Bush the grand tour of our facilities, after showing him the Olympic-size indoor pool and letting him take a spin on our private, NASCAR-regulation race track in the courtyard, we got down to business. We discussed the great legal issues of our time, and how a fresh outlook on the court might affect both the concert industry and the nation in the years to come. We talked about judicial activism, Echo & The Bunnymen, and compassionate conservatism all through the night.
And we were pleasantly surprised, for President Bush displayed a keen knowledge about past major Supreme Court decisions surpassed only by his understanding of the routing for this year’s U2 tour. But then, he’s already on a first name basis with Bono, so he definitely had an edge over us.
However, we were extremely surprised when he told us who he was considering for the Supreme Court. In fact, we tried to talk him out of it, but the president’s legendary stubbornness ruled the discussion. He was adamant about his choice, as adamant as Bruce Springsteen’s New Jersey drawl and twice as steadfast as Neil Diamond’s baritone. President Bush is a man who knows what he wants, and when the leader of the free world makes a decision, you have no choice but to go right along with him. That’s the way presidents are.
But we’re still not too sure about the president’s choice. Sure, President Bush’s first choice for the Supreme Court would definitely shake things up, and we’d love to hear that person’s comments and thoughts about the major issues of the day. However, we just can’t see the president’s first choice for the Supreme Court making it past the Senate, regardless of what kind of job that person might do, regardless of that person’s qualifications as a judge.
For one thing, Simon Cowell isn’t even an American. Hmmm… Maybe he should take a second look at Paula Abdul.