The Season Of Emilie Autumn

At various times Emilie Autumn has called her performance art “glam rock,” “musical theatre rock” and “rock opera.” But mere words fail to describe the uniqueness of her stage show.  Accompanied on her current tour by two of her “Bloody Crumpets” dancers – Veronica Varlow (The Naughty Veronica) and Jill Evyn (Moth) – Autumn gives her fans a ringside view of her life so far.  And what a life it’s been.

A classical violinist before she was in her teens, Autumn was admitted to a Los Angeles psychiatric ward shortly after touring in Courtney Love’s band in 2004.  Her experience resulted in a semi-autobiographical novel, “The Asylum For Wayward Victorian Girls,” published in 2010.

Her most devoted fans, dubbed “Plague Rats,” often don glitter and costumes for her shows.  But Autumn’s art combining music with a level of theatrics one might expect in a Broadway production transcends the typical artist-fan relationship. Along with giving her audiences a hefty dose of the ups and downs of her history, Autumn’s connection with fans extolls the “we’re all in this together” message that lets each and every person in the venue know that they are wonderful human beings to be cherished.

Currently on a co-headlining adventure with The Birthday Massacre in support of her 2012 album, Fight Like A Girl, Autumn gave Pollstar a look behind the glitter to reveal a very charming musician whose art defies classification.  You may see more than 100 shows a year but you will see only one Emilie Autumn.

What was one of your first gigs?

[I was] a lounge singer and a piano player in a very high-end gay piano bar in downtown Chicago.  That was kind of how I learned to sing properly.  I had to sing in a four-hour shift every night, straight through.  That’s a lot of singing.  That’s also why I know a lot of show tunes and things like that.  People would come in and be like, “Play ‘Moon River.’” Of course, someone else would come in 10 minutes [later] and be like, “Play ‘Moon River.’”  And you just keep spending “Hey Big Spender” 13 times in a row. 

Have you ever worked any jobs that were not involved in the entertainment biz?

Oh, yes.  It was absolutely soul crushing.  I temped for a short amount of time but enough to hurt one’s self spiritually.  I temped as a head receptionist [in Chicago], at a big rock station.  The reason being was I had a good phone voice.  Then my other one was temp working doing the same thing … at the Starbucks headquarters in downtown Chicago. My other duty there was I had to make the coffee for all the employees in the morning.  I have never been a coffee drinker so I didn’t know how to do it.  It’s Starbucks headquarters, it’s intimidating, you don’t really want to fuck up the coffee.  So I managed it. Could have been a million times worse but definitely was a very painful time.  I was like, “OK.  I could easily get stuck in this and never get to do what I know I’m meant to do.”  That’s just a painful feeling I’m sure every single one of us has at one point – what if I miss my destiny? It’s that ability to know, like, nobody can take that away from me.  If you’ve got that magic … we all have to suck it up sometimes.  That’s called paying your dues and really earning it.

Different descriptions for your art include “very pop-Goth,” and “glam,” but how do you characterize your work?

I have come kind of full-circle in my thoughts upon one musical description.  I’ve actually come to call it “glam rock” or now I simply call it kind of “rock opera” or “musical theatre rock.” If I’m riding in a taxi, I always find that they’re like, “Oh, you look kind of weird.  You must be an artist.”  I’m like, “I’m a musician.” And they say, “What kind of music?” And the hundreds of times when I’ve had to answer that question I’ve ended up thinking, “I could really try to explain it.  Or, I could say, ‘What the hell.  Just leave it with something interesting that might make some kind of sense to somebody in their own world.” 

I don’t try anymore.  At one point I was calling it “Victorian-industrial,” which is more accurate.  As much as I and everyone else hates the categorization thing, “Put me in your box” and all of that stuff, it makes sense. In a record store you have to file it under something. 

In a short while it’s not going to matter. It’s going to be on Broadway.  In which case it will simply be a musical theatre soundtrack. 

You have a YouTube video clip titled “Thank You To Plague Rats Of San Francisco” where you say, “Our realities are just as valid as anyone else’s.” Is the onstage Emilie persona all about creating realities?

Yes, because I think that is something that we do, just waking up every day in our own world … just by being alive.  We have this generally agreed upon reality that is a complete illusion.  We generally agree upon it so we don’t have massive misunderstandings.  It’s like we all don’t see colors the same way. We have various different degrees of color blindness.  Some of us see colors that others don’t.  But we agree that blue is blue. … I don’t know if I see the same blue you do but we can say blue is a cooler color, red is a warmer color, therefore we agree, we’re kind of in the same area.  But what I see isn’t what you see.

[I’ve gone] through a lot of my life feeling absolutely insane and thinking I am not like everybody else. Growing up … thinking nobody’s like everybody else.  Everybody is crazy and it’s just a matter of degrees.  When you’re young and not fully developed in your ways of thinking, you think, “I am out of place. Either I’m crazy or this world is crazy or whatever.”  And the fact is there is a generally agreed up reality. There is my reality, there is your reality and they’re [both] valid.  We all have our own … I live in this world.  It is real. A lot of these plague rats live in this world. It is real to them.  They came to it for the same exact reason I did.  We needed a sanctuary.

That’s what the word “asylum” originally really means. “Asylum” wasn’t treated as a sanctuary 150 years ago and it isn’t treated that way now.  A psych ward isn’t a sanctuary.  A psych ward is a prison where you go for being bad.  Whether you ever get out isn’t up to you.  So the idea of wanting that sanctuary and building it in your own life, that can become your reality. And your view on the world and your … power in it, becomes completely transformed.  I needed that and I built it. And these other people, basically, walked onto my land and started building houses on it. And that’s exactly what I wanted so I didn’t have to be alone in this.  But I also know their [experiences] are different than mine so we’re all sharing these realities and all you have to do is simply appreciate [them]. Just because you’re crazy doesn’t mean you’re crazy.  All of these things that make us us, our own little worlds. Mine just happen to be a bit more out in the public and a bit more colorful than somebody else’s.  That’s because I have the privilege to … get up on stage. 

There’s a very old saying about artists, whether they’re sculptors, painters, musicians, authors and such,  that one has to be a little crazy, a little eccentric to make that leap into total creativity.  Would you agree with that?

I think so. Again, I think more people have it than not. It just may not become their entire vocation. If somebody didn’t have any of that they’d be a horribly boring guest at a dinner party.  You’ve got to have something. I like using the word “crazy” because I’m making fun of it.  The whole idea of most of what I do, the book I wrote, blah, blah, blah, is simply raising the big questions – “Who’s really crazy here?” Because I’ve found in my own life and research that most often it isn’t the people behind the [asylum] bars. So that’s kind of the primary thing, let’s really look at this, and this might change your view of the world, the people you know and yourself.  I didn’t always think this but I have come to believe that … it’s not necessary to be crazy, it’s not necessary to be eccentric.  What is necessary is to have a unique, alternate point of view. … Chances are if you have an alternate way of looking at the world from the generally accepted reality … you most likely will be eccentric, kind of mad in some way.

I have so much sympathy and respect and love for so many brilliant artists, musicians and writers and composers over the last 1,000 years [that] were very definitely gay … bipolar. …

[Being] gay in the times when it was completely unacceptable. … Tchaikovsky, Edgar Allan Poe, just so many people and that was their situation. It sucks that they had to live some really unhappy parts of their life but it’s also why they had different points of view.  If you’re in an artistic vein, you need to have that point of view.

I know if I did not go through some things, like mental issues, I would not have as many things to say and I would not be useful to other people.  And I want to be useful to other people.

You’re very open about your own personal history.  Why do you think people in general seem to be reluctant to talk about mental health issues?

I think it’s terrifying to people because [they think] “Could it happen to me?  Is it contagious?”  It’s ignorance, a lack of awareness and education which is unfortunate.  We all know how you can catch a cold.  We all know, or think we do, how HIV is contracted.  We talk about those things because we find them valuable to talk about.  For something that affects millions of people it’s very shocking how few people have even the slightest concept of what being bipolar or manic depressive means. 

A perfect example of this in, like, social consciousness which really doesn’t help, years ago Britney [Spears] among other people … behaving badly, shaving her head … doing all kinds of stupid bullshit.  And it comes out in the headlines the next day, “Britney!  Bipolar! Going On These Crazy Rampages.”

Any time that somebody in a Hollywood fame situation behaves badly and does something that doesn’t make sense and basically just goes nuts, [people are] like, “Oh, God, are they bipolar?”

I don’t take myself seriously enough to be offended by all of this.  I just find it useful to be like, “That’s a great example.  Let’s talk about why that’s fucked up.”  But it is incredibly offensive.  It’s the equivalent of calling someone who does something bad, “retarded.”

So it’s not what bipolarism is. Bipolar people don’t hurt people.  Bipolar people don’t go crazy.  That’s not what this is.  Of course, that is what is in the social consciousness because that’s how irresponsibly people speak about it.   It’s almost like a fun word to say when you describe someone whose behavior seems to be out of control to you. It’s a completely inaccurate representation. … This isn’t about me because I’m dealing with it, this is about millions of other people, especially young people who have no one around them that can help them with the situation.  What is known and generally accepted is this big scary thing where it’s like you’re going to lose your shit at any time, like driving off of the side of the road and shaving your head.  So you have people that don’t have anybody who understands and can teach them about what’s going on.  We’re talking about a mental illness that in the medical world it’s considered a fatal illness, even though it doesn’t make you sick. It’s considered a fatal illness because the majority of people with bipolar disorder will kill themselves.  And we’re making jokes about that and calling some, pardon me, but some dumb-fuck starlet who hasn’t ever done anything valuable with her life and is now driving drunk … we’re calling them this thing as something funny.  Let’s poke at this person, “[she’s] clearly bipolar.”

With the book, I wanted to write the book I really wish I had when I was locked up and dealing with these situations on my own.  I thought it was worth it because, cosmically, I wanted to leave something behind that maybe would make someone feel slightly less alone in a situation where feelings of isolation could make the difference between life and death.  I might not have done some of the drastic things … had I not been alone. … It’s not saying that I’m so incredibly important.  It’s just saying at least I can show an example and that [a person] might know that they are not the only one.

What do you think the turning point was for you in terms of having a healthier outlook?

I think the realization that if I was OK then maybe I could help somebody else.  The desire to do that was the only thing that made me take care of myself. … I’ve been able to learn how to become a healthier person.  What made it possible was realizing that if I spoke up, was very honest and told the truth about myself and the conditions … how other people are treated and talk about things that nobody wants to talk about, then I could help somebody else.  All of a sudden I had a reason to wake up and a reason to take care of myself.

In dark times in my life in the past, and I think this might be common, I would make a point to get a pet.  I knew I might not feed myself, but I’ll feed myself if I have to wake up tomorrow and feed the dog.  Something else would have to be there for me to take care of and I’ll make it through that situation.  That was the start of it.  Finding a way to transform and to transform the things around the experiences that we all have.  I’m not that special.  I’ve basically made this whole career out of turning very dark things into very beautiful things. That’s kind of the whole point. I feel that if I can do that anybody can do that. 

One of the saddest things for me is the concept of wasted time. … You don’t get back that day. … you’ll never get back today.  I thought if I could turn this into a story, turn it into something beautiful, nothing was wasted. Often times I’ll say onstage at the end of the night when I say “Thank  you” to everybody … “Had everything had not happened the way that it did, I wouldn’t have a story to tell.  And if I didn’t have a story to tell, I’d never have met [you].”  Because of that, I don’t regret anything.

Does the Emilie Autumn we see during the performance begin when you step on stage and end when the night concludes?

Actually, no.  Myself and all of the girls on stage are simply an amplified version of particular aspects of who we really are. …

When I am up there every single night, and I never take it for granted … I feel like I am at home, in that moment, more than any home I’ve ever found. And that is my sanctuary. I am safe up there and I can tell the truth. And the only consequence is that somebody might get so excited that they might pass out. It gets very emotional sometimes.  That’s really where I am, the essence of who I am.

In no way is it not me. That’s kind of the beauty of it.  I never get off stage and go, “Oh, God. Now back to myself.  Now I’ll wash off the makeup.  Who am I? Now I’ll go and cry because I’m so lonely or something.”  It isn’t like that. We get off stage and we are so those people and we are so in love and we fall asleep with glitter on our faces because we’ve done it for so long that it never washes off. It never goes away.

What is the creative process like for you?  Is it more of a visual thing in that you write music to fit the visuals that you’ve already established or do you start with music and then create the visuals?

It’s very much changed.  When I was younger and kind of establishing that I was a writer and not just a violinist … I would write things primarily based on words because I love words so much.  I would read the dictionary. I know that’s a horribly pompous thing to say but I just enjoyed the words and loved reading the origins of things and the connections, metaphors and all those things that go into language.  So I would write based on the words, based on the poetry and all those things.  Now I still keep the level of attention to those details but everything comes together kind of at the same time.  At that time I was writing for writing’s sake. A bit later I was writing for me performing it on stage as a rock singer’s sake.  Now I’m writing as a composer of this potential, literal Broadway musical.  If I’m thinking of a word I’m going to say as part of the show, I’m thinking of how my voice will be, I’m thinking of the gesture I’ll make when I’m doing it, where I’m looking.  [With] a song like “Girls Girls Girls,” what is our silly choreography for that song?  How much are we in on the joke?  Now I think of the entire show, the lights and all those things because I’m not creating a song, poem or music – I’m creating a story.  And that changed everything.

When you look at today’s mass-medium pop world, maybe catch a story on “Entertainment Tonight” about a singer with a hit record or video, or when a radio is playing today’s Top 40,  does it bore you?

Oh, yeah. Then I think, “All right. Somebody has to make shitty dance songs for kids to zone out to. It’s not going to be me.” It’s so boring.  I don’t make music for children.  I’ve got 12-year-old fans that are really into it. But they’re not children, they’re young thinking people. … I’ve learned to distance myself enough so I don’t get really angry about it anymore. In the past I would feel like, “Fuck!  What is going on? Everything is horrible.  What is this world coming to?”  I’ve learned to take it less personally.  Also, to realize that nothing has anything to do with me. What I’m out for is so very different.  There’s a beautiful feeling of having no competition.  Not because you’re so fucking awesome but because you are doing something different and nobody can touch it.  Somebody can decide, “I’m a rock star. I’m going to make a musical about it.” But nobody is going to have this story.  That makes me very, very secure in my place in the mission that I’m on, the reasons why I’m doing it and the affect that it will have if I do it right.

What can you tell us about the two ladies joining you onstage?

They both have incredible solos.  Veronica has the massive burlesque fan dance to one of my most military instrumental songs.  Moth has a really amazing solo … at the beginning of “We Want Them Young” she does this … thing where you wave around flags and they look like wings. … They really help to create an atmosphere.  It might be me singing but they make it more magical than it could ever be, more than just one girl on stage telling a story.

You’ve posted videos on YouTube featuring one or more of the Bloody Crumpets.  What’s up with “The Protégé?”

“The Protégé” is our other bandmate that couldn’t be on this tour because she’s at a circus training school.  She is “Captain Maggot,” our other inmate.  Being a clown she has multiple characters and one of those is “The Protégé.”  I think it started because Veronica teaches this course, like, how to own your own power … very healing for women.  She teaches this course in New York.

So at one rehearsal she was telling Captain Maggot and me about the kind of things she does in that class, like teaching sexuality [and] confidence.

We were just laying around and Captain Maggot decided that she should teach a class of her own and that’s how “The Protégé” was born.  The concept behind it is that she knows everything about everything when in reality she knows nothing and is probably drunk all the time.  That is it.  There is nothing deeper.  People can’t figure out what’s wrong with her and that’s the best part.  There’s nothing wrong with her.  That’s just her being “The Protégé.”  Great girl but can’t make oatmeal.

Do you think for just about anybody that life in general is performance art?

I think it should be.  Definitely.  For very many people it isn’t.  I think, also, the word “performance” unfortunately has connotations of … pretense or fakery in some way.  Every time you get dressed every day, you make a choice. You have some choices on what you’re going to look like, what you’re going to wear, what your colors are.  Every time you do that, you’re decorating yourself.  You are the Christmas tree, you are the canvas.  I feel very much that way about makeup, stage makeup or otherwise.  Why I love it so much is that it’s your chance to be a painter, your chance to celebrate and decorate yourself.  I think men and women should have fun with that stuff.  You are a walking art project.  “All the world’s a stage” – Shakespeare said that so we can’t say it’s not true. … I think it should be seen that way. … Self-expression should be happening every time you step outside the door or open your mouth.  You’re expressing yourself whether you think about it or not. … It should be a performance and your life should be the movie you would want to watch.

Do you spend a lot of time meeting your fans?

It’s a part of every night.  We have a session … about an hour before the show, I get to meet 35 Plague Rats.  Most of these situations in the past we take pictures, we talk, we cry together, we laugh, we do all this stuff.  We’re a very emotional crowd.  If a performer is a writer [and] very sincere and open, you’re inviting everybody else to do the exact same thing.  When all of these emotions come at you, you can’t shy away from it because you brought it. .. That’s a total privilege, I think, to see that in my lifetime and be part of such realness that they share with me.

What we’re doing this time is that it’s interactive.  We talk and have questions.  I’m doing a book reading before each show. I’ll read some chapters from the “Asylum” book and then we’ll do a Q&A.

I’ve really started to encourage the celebratory aspect, starting out everything by saying, “We’ve all been through stuff to get here and that’s probably how a lot of us met.  Now that we’re here together in this space, let’s celebrate this.  This is an amazing, magical time that we are sharing this space together. And the fact that we even showed up today … we have come so incredibly far.  Yet this is just the beginning of our beautiful journey.”

Upcoming Emilie Autumn shows:
Nov. 26 – Boston, Mass., Paradise Rock Club
Nov. 27 – New York, N.Y., Irving Plaza Powered By Klipsch
Nov. 29 – Toronto, Ontario, Opera House Concert Venue
Dec. 1 – Sauget, Ill., Pop’s
Dec. 2 – Lawrence, Kan., Granada Theatre
Dec. 4 – Denver, Colo., Bluebird Theater
Dec. 5 – Salt Lake City, Utah, The Complex – The Grand
Dec. 6 – Reno, Nev., Knitting Factory Concert House
Dec. 8 – Oakland, Calif., Oakland Metro Operahouse
Dec. 9 – West Hollywood, Calif., Troubadour

For more information please visit EmilieAutumn.com.