What A Guac

Believe it or not, somebody is still writing about that guacamole recipe in Jack White’s rider – this time, of all outlets, NPR – and White has this to say about that.

Photo: John Davisson
Farm Aid, Walnut Creek Amphitheatre, Raleigh, N.C.

dear journalists and other people looking for drama or a diva,

even in the age of the short attention span internet article, it’s still hard to believe you

are STILL writing about this:


wow.  classy. 
seems like there’s a new rule number one for up and coming journalists:  dont let the facts get in the way of click bait.
at the risk of incurring even more of this hoo haa (and i’ve definitely turned my cheek more than once lately) and even
though our management sent out a letter to clarify this, and since
this seems to be all anyone can ask me about lately,
here’s the real deal, and hopefully it’ll explain this nonsensical scenario and we can move on with our lives. (or what have you).
first off, this is none of your business, but i have no specific demands in my dressing room.  i know i could ask for lots of
things but i actually dont ask for ANYTHING.  i take with me what i need,
and that aint much.
anything on the rider is for the band and the crew.
this “guacamole recipe” is my hilarious tour managers inside
joke with the local promoters, it’s his recipe, not mine.   it’s just something to break
up the boredom, seeing who can make it best.   though i wouldn’t
know because i’ve never had it.  i can’t even make kool aid
let alone cook any real food enough to have a “recipe”.  sorry, i dont have that talent.
bananas:  did it occur to anyone someone on the tour
might have an allergy to them?  no?  hmmm.  one day some fantasy journalist out
there will call someone in the biz and actually have a rider explained to them, maybe
none of them have ever been on tour.  oh well, let’s move on,
first amendment issues:  i fully believe in the freedom of the press (though
the  supposed search for truth from the press requires microscopes and some morton salt), and i also defend anyone’s right
to free speech (just look at my lack of respect for grammar in this letter and tell me i’m not for communicating freely)
and i defend the right to free information in regards to public funds, but never in my 20 years of playing
shows has my contract and tour rider been published in the paper that i recall. 
do you know why we dont do that or want that?  a hundred articles about bananas, free speech,  and guacamole is why; 
it’s because people dont understand what a rider is or what the terms of a contract are. they’re out of their element,
and you can’t blame them for it.  and people who write about that know this.   people WANT a rider to be a list of demands that
a diva insists occur lest he or she refuse to play a note of music.
but in reality, it’s just some food and drinks backstage for the
hundred workers and guests who have to live in a concrete
bunker for 15 hours. some people bring thier own living rooms on tour,
some people ask for a huge spread.  who cares?  what you’r looking for
is someone throwing a tantrum because they didn’t get their brown m and m’s,
sorry to dissappoint.
someone printed that i’m never going to oklahoma again?
not true.  i love oklahoma, that’s why i booked this show instead
of playing chicago or atlanta for four times as much money.
ask around in tulsa.  i’ve been
there at least three times on these last two albums.  i love it there.
our booking agent warned the college that other artists might
not book shows there?  of course they did, it’s bad business
what that school paper did and really rude.  of course they are going to tell them to wise up.
am i pissed at the students at oklahoma university?  absolutely not.  am i dissappointed in young  journalists at their school paper?
absolutely.  but i forgive them, they’re young and have learned
thier lesson about truth and ethics hopefully.  all they have to do is
google this to know that it’s not worth it.  look for real problems instead
next time. look for the truth, not fake drama.   i got pissed during my show and berated
the crowd?  no. sorry, didn’t happen.
i made jokes about the paper publishing that info, so which of us is thin skinned?
they have freedom of speech but i dont?  at my show?   ok.   i guess the rules change for different
people.  the crowd were amazing and we played for 2 and a half hours that night. 
people were told to delete
photos on their camera? :  i dont know much about that but it must
be a miscommunication about what was
public property at the college and the contract we had with the university to
let us do our work in peace; but i’ll give you an example,
if someone working at a theater we played at started taking pictures of all of
our workers and our gear they’d probably get fired by their theater or promoter.
sorry to the student paper budding press papparazi on that one, but is this a tmz assignment or can
you give us some peace while we try to put on a show for the students?   give us a break man.
i know it’s a fun thing for people to try to turn me into a jerk and a diva, but in
this case it’s pretty ridiculous and has almost nothing to do with me.  my relationship
with the fans at that show and how we got to a new place together through music remains intact
and i’d love to do it again with them.

i think that’s everything, can i go back to making music now?  no?  ok.  crochet it is.

jack white