Features
Tours de Farce: Weekend Warriors
No, we’re not talking about barbecues, pool parties or 18 holes at your favorite golf course. We’re talking about ticket on-sales, like the shows going up for Death Cab For Cutie, Neil Diamond and Steve Winwood. Have you decided which shows you’re going to see? Do you know how many tickets you need to buy? Do you have your credit card handy?
“There you go again,” you’re probably muttering. “Always putting concert tickets first. As if tickets for, say, Loggins & Messina or Iron & Wine are the most important things in the world.”
Well, aren’t they?
The truth is, concert tickets are among the most important things you can buy this weekend. Sure, you can blow all your cash on your kids’ school clothes or filling up the tank on your SUV, but that won’t get you choice seats for B.B. King or The Bangles. Go ahead, do the math. Pound for pound, dollar for dollar, concert tickets are the best deal you’ll find anywhere. What’s more, whenever you buy tickets for a band or artist, no matter if the tickets are for The Radiators, Stephen Lynch or Her Space Holiday, you also help improve society.
That’s because a portion of the proceeds from every ticket sold goes right into the artist’s pocket. Think about that. We all live our lives through our favorite performers, and by buying tickets for their upcoming shows, we ensure that our favorites will continue to live the lives that we would like to become accustomed to.
Think about what the world would be like if no one ever bought any concert tickets and your favorite artist didn’t live any better than you do. Would Paul McCartney be any less entertaining if he lived in a second-story flat above a Radio Shack? Would The Rolling Stones rock any less if they didn’t have their mansions and private jets? Would you really want Keith Richards living next door to you, always pounding on your back door asking to borrow your Weed Whacker or a spare cup of Rebel Yell? We think not.
When you get right down to it, buying concert tickets is about more than just ensuring entry to a show by U2 or The Posies. It’s about elevating that artist or band to a level of stature to which we can only look up at and dream. We like our concert heroes rich, powerful and packing plenty of bling. After all, you don’t want to see Bob Dylan standing on a street corner holding a sign saying “Will sing ‘Mr. Tambourine Man’ for food.” Well, DO YOU?
But enough of this endless bantering, this idle chatter and constant breaking of wind. Get out there right now and do your duty. Buy those tickets for Unwritten Law, Arrested Development and Franz Ferdinand this weekend. Help your favorite artist or band live the dream that you can only dream about.
Oh, and one more thing.
Make sure you buy plenty of t-shirts while you’re at the show. Your kids’ school clothes, remember?