We heard what you said on your radio show on Friday. You said that your days as America’s most controversial radio jock could be coming to an end as the flap over Janet’s flapping mammary ignites the passion of neo-indignant lawmakers to cleanse our airways of everything they suddenly deem to be intolerable. Yes, ever since Mr. Timberlake revealed to the world that Ms. Jackson has a breast, the clock has ticked away the seconds until that inevitable moment when the envelope you have doggedly pushed for so many years is rebooted to the sunny days of Father Knows Best and Leave It To Beaver.

In other words, Howard, you’re toast.

But it doesn’t have to be this way, Howard. You don’t have to schlep off into that final radio signoff only to be memorialized as a “Final Jeopardy” answer twenty years hence. The best is yet to come. There’s still a future for you. You just need to know where to look.

In other words, Howard, we’re offering you a job.

That’s right, Howard. We need a man like you to announce the new tours on Pollstar.com. We need someone like you to say The Crystal Method is playing in Houston on March 19. We need someone with your skills to say Projekt Revolution stars Linkin Park, KORN, Snoop Dogg and The Used. We need someone with your wit and exuberance to tell our users that Fleetwood Mac, Britney Spears and Bob Dylan have recently added new shows to their schedules.

In other words, Howard, we need you.

And we’ll pay you a promoter’s ransom in fresh, unmarked, under-the-table, untaxable bills. How’s this for starters? Fifty percent of the income from each click on major venue tours like the Dave Matthews Band and Sarah Brightman, plus an additional 10 percent off the top for each club tour listing, such as Black Rebel Motorcycle Club and the MTV2 Headbangers Ball. Let’s see Infinity top that! Furthermore, you can announce these tours any way you like.

In other words, Howard, we’re promising you unlimited freedom.

Think about it! No censorship! If you announce a new tour by, say, Paul McCartney, you can describe it as really #%#@n’ hot. If you want to describe Jewel’s concert as a #@$!@# good time, you can say that too. Plus, we have no problem if you ever feel like shouting out “#@$%!# you, Eagles,” “Eat my @#$@@!, David Bowie!” or “Jam it up your #$%@#!, Prince!” Heck, the sky’s the limit!

How about it, Howard?

Join us and you can say anything you want, any time you like, about anyone you feel like. “#%@#@@,” “$#%?@,” and “@#$%@!” – if that’s what it takes to express yourself, so be it! You’ll be Stern Unbound at Pollstar.com, where you can say any damn thing that pops into that sick, twisted, morally-depraved, envelope-pushing mind of yours.

You just can’t print it.