“Did you stop at the Ticketmaster and pick up my order for Sixpence None The Richer?”

“I sure did. In fact, I went to that new Ticketmaster out at the north edge of town.”

“Ticketmaster Warehouse? Where you can save money by buying concert tickets in bulk?”

“That’s right. I picked up 500 Ladysmith Black Mambazo tickets for a fraction of the price I’d pay if I had purchased them in pairs. I also bought 250 Richard Buckner tickets and a pallet of Cher tickets, all for less than what we’d normally pay.”

“Sounds like a deal, but I’ve heard those warehouse outlets can be awfully crowded.”

“That’s for sure. I had to push and shove my way through the major arena aisle to buy those Rolling Stones tickets you wanted.”

“I’ll bet. But what about all those free samples I’ve heard about? You know, where they hand out tickets for acts like Choclair and The Sea & Cake?”

“The were handing them out at the end of every aisle. However, all the little rugrats grabbed the samples first. Then they ran all over the store, handling the tickets for The Breeders and Social Distortion with their sticky little fingers.”

“Yechh!”

“I hear you. In fact, one of the little carpet crawlers was almost ran over by a truck.”

“What? A truck? In the Ticketmaster Warehouse?”

“Well, not exactly a truck. More like a motorized golf cart with a thyroid problem. They’re all over the store. The employees use them to move the ticket crates. For example, I saw one worker hauling a couple crates of Status Quo tickets, while another one was towing a wagon packed with about a month’s worth of Peter Mulvey tickets. When you consider the size of the Ticketmaster Warehouse, those trucks are the only logical way to move all the merchandise.”

“That makes sense.”

“That reminds me. I was standing in the amphitheatre section, watching all the trucks dropping off pallets of tickets for Avril Lavigne, or carting off Guns N’ Roses tickets to the recycler, when suddenly, this one truck comes careening down the aisle, weaving from one side to the other.”

“Oh? That sounds dangerous.”

“I’m telling you, people were scrambling to get out of the way. It really looked as if that truck was out of control.”

“What did you do.”

“I did what any concert fan would do. I climbed up on the Audioslave rack, waited for the truck to pass by, and then I jumped on the back end. Just like Indiana Jones.”

“My hero! Then what happened?”

“Well, I don’t mind telling you that I was more than a little scared. The truck was weaving all over the place, and I could barely hang on. But I made it to the cab, opened the door, grabbed the driver, and looked the person right in the face.”

“You did? Then what did you do?”

“You know me, Honey. There was only one thing I could do.”

“You mean?”

“That’s right. I looked that person right in the face and said, ‘Can I please have your autograph, Ms. Ross?'”