“Uh? Oh, I’m sorry, Andrew. I was just reading this email from a girl I used to date back in my Yale days. I don’t know what it is with these people. A guy like me becomes president, then suddenly all these old friends start popping out of the woodwork asking for favors.”

“The world is filled with people that want something, Mr. President. Now, if we can just look at these invasion plans.”

“All day long, it’s just gimmee, gimmee, gimmee. If it’s not Colin Powell asking for restraint in the Middle East, it’s Suzie asking for tickets to see Curtis Stigers and Lord Of The Dance.”

“Suzie?”

“The old girlfriend from Yale. I’m telling you, Andrew, being president isn’t as much fun as it’s cracked up to be.”

“Yes, sir. Now, about these invasion plans.”

“I’ve been meaning to talk to you about that, Andrew. The New York Times says that we’re going to invade Iraq this fall. That just won’t do.”

“Well, Mr. President, there are other options.”

“I mean, I told Rumsfeld just last week that we can’t invade this fall. Not with The Rolling Stones and Paul McCartney both on tour. Nope, kicking Saddam’s ass will just have to wait until next year.”

“I know, sir. With all these leaks we’ve been having, it’s a wonder we can plan any skullduggery at all, what with everyone blabbing to the press every five seconds.”

“Leaks? You mean our very own people have been feeding this stuff to the media? This is just like when that record label leaked the schedule for the Goo Goo Dolls.”

“It would seem so, Mr. President.”

“This is serious, Andrew.”

“Yes, sir.”

“I mean, I pass on seeing Faster Pussycat and right away the press speculates that I’m planning a summer invasion. If I skip seeing The Mission U.K. and The B-52’s, then the media thinks I’m going to invade in the fall.”

“Yes, sir. We really have to do something about all these leaks.”

“I couldn’t agree with you more, Andrew. In fact, I said the same thing to Bob just the other day.”

“Bob?”

“You know, the clerk down at the Ticketmaster? The one on the Mall? I spoke with him just last week. I was asking him about the spring tour plans for Loverboy and Journey, and whether or not their schedules would give me a window of opportunity to carve Saddam a new -“

“You told the clerk at the Ticketmaster about our invasion plans?”

“Sure. How else can I figure out my 2003 concert schedule?”

“But the leaks.”

“That’s your job, Andrew, plug up all these leaks and I’ll take care of the rest. That is, right after I take care of Suzie.”

“Suzie?”

“The old flame from college, Andrew. Haven’t you been listening?”

“But what could she possibly want, Mr. President?”

“The same thing everybody else wants in this town, Andrew. She wants to be close to power. She wants to be on the inside. She wants to be in the know.”

“You mean…”

“That’s right. She wants tickets and backstage passes for Bruce Springsteen & The E Street Band at the MCI Center on August 10.”

“But, Mr. President, I can’t believe you’re going to use the power of the Oval Office to get an old girlfriend concert tickets and backstage passes for The Boss.”

“No, of course not, Andrew. No way could I ever do something like that.”

“I’m glad to hear that, sir.”

” After all, Andrew, I’m only the president, not Jon Landau.”