For years we’ve been urging you to stop and see a show. Take a breather from this I-got-mine world and see Biohazard. Grab a vacation from the rat race and pop for a pair of tickets for Creed. Go to a show, you’ll live longer. Blah, blah, blah.

We’re through kidding around.

Going to concerts won’t make you more popular. Seeing David Gray won’t clear up your acne, Motorhead won’t improve your sexual prowess and you can see The 2000 Crown Royal Kings Of Comedy all you want, but your breath is still going to stink unless you seek medical attention.

For the truth is, seeing Next or Nina Gordon isn’t going to affect your life. We can no longer dance around the subject. There’s no way to sugarcoat what we have to tell you. It’s just the way things work.

If you don’t go to concerts you will burn forever in Hell.

Sure, skipping your chance to see Smooth Jazz Christmas or Texas isn’t the only one-way ticket to fire and brimstone. Hell still welcomes those who murder, worship false gods or vote for Buchanan, not to mention the Hollywood execs who green-lighted Battlefield Earth. But The Pit has always kept a warm spot for those who eschew live music in favor of dedicating their days to inflating dot-com IPOs and their nights to singing off key renditions of Marilyn Manson songs in Karaoke bars.

Don’t believe us? Go ahead, gamble with your soul. Skip 3 Doors Down when they come to town. Ignore Sally Taylor and blow off the Anger Management Tour. Hell isn’t all that bad. It’s just filled with people who could never appreciate musicians creating a unique artistic moment that only exists in the now and will be but a past memory in the future. However, Hell does have a house band and word on the street is that they play 24/7.

And we hear that this time around, Rob and Fab are actually singing their own songs.