Lars: “So you see, the lawsuit isn’t against technology, it’s against a company that is building its business model on the backs of honest, hard working artists.”

NapsterLover: “Hey, Lars, as a drummer, what do you think is the best toilet paper for butt sweat?”

Lars: “I know there’s an entire generation out there that thinks music should be free. But if it was free, then what incentive would I, my bandmates, or artists like matchbox twenty and Mandy Moore, have to create music? We’ve got to eat too, you know.”

ScourXchanger: “I’ll bet you’re a Charmin man. Ain’t that right, Lars?”

Lars: “I was just talking with Dr. Dre about how disheartening it is to see your life’s work made available on the Internet without any compensation or payment.”

NapsterLover: “Is that right, Lars? Is Charmin the best for butt sweat?”

Lars: “There’s a real fear in musician circles that all this file swapping, like trading songs by American Steel, Paul Simon and Joan Osborne, is going to be the death knell of the music industry.”

ScourXchanger: “Do you like to squeeze your Charmin, Lars?”

Lars: I should mention that this lawsuit is not about our fans. It’s about big corporations ripping off artists like Neve and Ashley MacIsaac.”

NapsterLover: “I’ll bet Lars squeezes the old Charmin every day. Ain’t that right, Lars?”

Lars: “Something’s got to be done about this whole Internet thing. Congress has got to pass some kind of law protecting creative works on the Net.”

ScourXchanger: “Has Christina Aguilera or Britney Spears ever squeezed your Charmin?”

Lars: “I see we’re just about out of time. I would just like to say that I really enjoyed this little electronic chat.”

NapsterLover: “Yo, Lars. Is it true you used to be the drummer for Barney?”

Lars: “I think we’ve made some headway about understanding what copyright, intellectual property and artists rights are all about.”

ScourXchanger: “Hey, Lars, I got a riddle for you.”

Lars: “The Internet is a tremendous communications medium.”

ScourXchanger: “What do you call a guy that hangs out with bands like Mr. Bungle and Metallica?”

Lars: “What’s really great is that I’ve had a chance to have a friendly, intelligent conversation directly with you, the fan. Chatting with each and every one of you has been way cool.”

ScourXchanger: “Give up? The answer is; a drummer! Get it?”

Lars: “Thank you, and good night.”