Features
Tours de Farce: Say What?
“Mr. President? It’s time for your meeting with the Canadian Ambassador.”
“Thanks, Dick. Gee, I hope this goes smoothly. I hear the Canadians are a pretty tough bunch.”
“Not to worry, Mr. President. I’ll be acting as your interpreter.”
“You, Dick? I didn’t know you spoke Canadian.”
“Just something I picked up during the war, sir. Oh, here he is now.”
“Howz it goin’, eh?”
“He says, ‘he’s delighted to meet you.'”
“Tell the Ambassador that the pleasure is all mine.”
“The President says, ‘make it quick, hosehead.'”
“My country is concerned over your recent changes on environmental policy.”
“The Ambassador says, ‘Would you care to join me for a Bryan Adams show this summer?'”
“Tell the Ambassador that I’d love to go to the concert. I’d also like to invite him to be my guest for The Moody Blues and Megadeth.”
“The President says, ‘Whatever changes we make in our environmental policy is our own damn business and that your country would be better off worrying about your beer and back bacon exports, and leaving the important stuff to those who know how.'”
“I find your attitude extremely undiplomatic.”
“The Ambassador says, ‘Green Day, Dan Bern and Bjorn Again are touring this summer, and I know someone at SFX who can get us backstage passes.'”
“Tell the Ambassador that I’d love to go, and that I would like him to join me for Dick Dale next month.”
“The President says, ‘My attitude is not for you to like. Your country is just a freak of history and if you know what’s good for you, you’ll shut up and get your fat butt out of my office.'”
“I’ll pass your comments to our prime minister. I’m sure you realize that this could mean war between our two countries. Good day, eh.”
“Right before he walked out the door the Ambassador said, ‘I really enjoyed our meeting, but I must get back to the office and order tickets for that
“Gee, that meeting went better than I expected. You know, Dick, I think I’m finally getting the hang of being President.”
“I always knew you would, sir.”