But wait, there’s more.

We’re also going to bring you the most violent displays of carnage and mayhem ever found on the Internet. Not only will you get new dates for Willie Nelson and new tours for Puddle Of Mudd and Phil Lesh & Friends, but you’ll also see shootouts, knifings and vicious hand-to-hand combat. You’ll see drive-bys, blood-laden battles and incredible acts of savagery as well as the schedules for Keith Sykes, Rodney Carrington and Robin Williams. Yes, everybody will be kung fu fighting. Think you can handle it?

Now, you’re probably wondering; “Gee, Pollstar.com. All this sex and violence is just dandy, but at what cost? How much are you going to charge me for these additional, value-added services?”

Not one thin dime.

For you see, we’ve arrived at the proverbial spoon in the road, and we realize that presenting date, city and venue for great bands like Dirtbombs and Dead Low Tide isn’t enough to hold John. Q. Public’s interest. Not when we’re dealing with a generation raised on Terminator, Raging Bull and CNN’s Crossfire. And yes, film editors, cameramen and equipment do cost money, and yes, most other sites would just pass that cost on to the consumer. But we’re not like the other concert data Web pages. We’ve found an easy, inexpensive way to bring lust, ferociousness and the dates for Soil to your computer monitor.

We’ve bought one of those secret webcams that you’ve seen advertised on all of those pop-up ads on the Net, and we’re going to place it smack dab in the middle of our main processing pit. After watching our professional data staff hit, kick, kiss, shoot, caress and bludgeon their way through a day’s work of entering dates for The Slip and Primer 55, we think you’ll agree that this is the sexiest, most violent spot on the Web.

Oh, and one more thing. We’re going to need some proof-of-age before we go any further. Got any I.D.?