“Did you get the tickets?”

“Sure did. And you won’t believe what happened today at the Ticketmaster.”


“There I was, standing in line waiting for the onsale to begin, when all of a sudden the most wanted man in the world walks through the front door.”

“Osama bin Laden?”

“None other. Believe me, we were scared. Anyway, bin Laden announces that he and his men have been holed up in a cave for the past few months and that they could really use a good concert. Then he tells the clerk that he wants his best tickets for Pink.”

“Then what happened?”

“The clerk tells him that the computers aren’t up yet, and even when they do go online, he’ll have to deal with the current onsale before he can sell tickets for any other shows like Sevendust or Creed.”

“Whoa! I’ll bet that ticked him off.”

“Big time. You could see the fire in his eyes. He mutters something about ‘American concert infidels’ and then grabs the woman standing behind me and puts a knife to her throat.”

“Oh, my! That poor lady. What happened next?”

“That’s when the man standing in front of me turns around and gives bin Laden a long hard stare. It was none other than the leader of the free world.”

“President Bush?”

“Junior himself. Turns out he was there to buy John Mellencamp tickets for his daughters. He takes one look at bin Laden and says, ‘So Mr. Tough Guy. We meet at last.'”


“And then bin Laden says, ‘Let’s finish this. Now!’ And then he reaches into his robes and pulls out his light saber.”

“His light saber? Wait a minute. I thought the U.N. designated all Ticketmaster outlets as neutral zones.”

“You’re talking about the Fresno Accords. But Congress never ratified the treaty.”


“Anyway, Bush yells out, “let’s roll!” Then he whips out his own light saber and the two of them start going at it. I never saw such a battle. Bin Laden swings at Bush, Bush ducks, and bin Laden’s light saber slices off the top of the Michael Franti and Spearhead display. Then Bush spins around and catches bin Laden right on the Adam’s apple.”

“You mean -“

“That’s right. Bin Laden’s head goes flying across the room and lands in the corner right under the posters for Freedy Johnston and Finch.”

“Then what happened?”

“Well, President Bush picks up bin Laden’s head and holds it up for all the crowd to see, and says “I guessed I really smoked him out, eh?” And then the crowd picks him up and carries him around on their shoulders and starts singing ‘For He’s A Jolly Good Fellow.’ Meanwhile, during all the commotion, the onsale starts. I step right up to the counter and…”


“Take a look. Front row tickets for Andrea Bocelli.”

“You’re right. That is the most amazing story I’ve ever heard. I can hardly believe it.

“Told you.”

“I mean, we’ve never been lucky enough to get front row seats for a major concert.”

“I know. Say, do you think I should buy some lottery tickets? After all, like that old Jerry Reed song says, ‘When you’re hot, you’re hot.'”