We’ve been hearing that question a lot lately. People want to know what abilities we look for when we’re filling positions such as researching dates for Soft Cell and Luciano. Some want to know about education requirements, benefits and stock options. Others want to know about working conditions, such as cubicle space and valet parking. And it seems that everyone wants to know about the bar privileges.
First off, all applicants must pass a rigid health exam in order to be considered for all Pollstar.com data entry positions. For instance, we prefer that our all of employees have a pulse, for you need a good rhythm when you’re entering dates for Joe Satriani, Jim White and Holy Ghost all day. Nothing too fast or flashy. In fact, if your heart is currently beating more than a couple times per minute, that’s good enough for us. Oh, yeah, and be sure to bring your own specimen cup when arriving for the physical, either plastic or glass. Please, no cans. Unless, of course, they’re recyclable.
Communication skills are also important when the job entails updating major tours like Goo Goo Dolls and Shakira, for most of our employees speak English as if it was a second language, and a good percentage of them know how to use a dictionary when it comes to the really tough words. Knowledge of geography is also important for people who aspire to enter dates for Peter Gabriel and B-Side Players, including how to spot the difference between Long Island and Long Beach, as well as the nuances that separate the state of Washington from the state of DC. Needless to say, the ability to recognize the major portions of California, including Northern, Southern and Baja, is a definite plus.
Then there’s the subject that they all want to ask, but are either to timid or intimidated to voice – Does Pollstar.com conduct drug testing? Make no mistake, this company prides itself on zero tolerance. In fact, you might even say that we’re intolerant and each job candidate who hopes to begin a career of entering tour data for 2 Skinnee J’s or Richard Thompson must pass our rigid drug testing, including multiple choice and essay questions, where applicants are graded on spelling, penmanship and reliable connections.
And finally, the one topic that all applicants are concerned about: retirement benefits. Rest assured, we have a healthy 401k program where, as a Pollstar.com employee you will be required to contribute to monthly so all of us in management can continue to enjoy the fruits of your labor well into our golden years.
Now, you’re probably saying, “Gee, Pollstar.com, all of this sounds really nifty, but if job conditions are so great, why do you have openings?” The answer is simple. Despite all of our fantastic benefits and perks for managing concert data for artists such as Bob Schneider and Indigo Girls, some of our employees do feel the need to move on and seek out greener pastures. For example, our latest opening is a result of one of our most valued employees landing a position with the Department of Defense. Sure, we’re going to miss her, but our country needs her.
And we’re so proud of her! She’s going to be working with those missile defense tests you’ve been seeing on the news. All of the details are top secret, but we understand that she’ll be piloting the target vehicle. She says it’s a step up.