The health and well being of each employee is this company’s chief concern, for healthy workers are productive workers and management has gone that extra mile to ensure that each one of us is both mentally and physically fit as humanly possible as we go about our daily task of bringing you fresh concert info such as the latest routings for Saint Etienne, Dr. Didg and Big Jack Johnson And The Oilers.

For example, concerned about signs of poor posture and sagging backbones, this morning our management installed the latest state-of-the-art chairs in every cubicle in hopes that the ergonomically correct furniture would provide the upper-back support one needs when dealing with changes in the schedule for Stone Sour or the additions for Sum 41 and Tommy Womack. Make no mistake about it. Firm spines, rigid necks and oh-so-taught shoulders are necessary when one faces off with the concert industry 24/7.

And what fabulous chairs they are! Each one is contoured for a perfect fit, allowing each worker’s tush to settle into a molded ring of fine porcelain, giving strength to the buttocks as we process the life’s blood of the concert industry in the form of the routings for Shannon McNally, Joe Lovano and Guns N’ Roses. Yes, a firm rump is a happy rump at

Furthermore, the leather straps and chains binding the employees to their new chairs virtually guarantees that each worker will remain in a fixed, upright position while handling the incoming data for Bottle Rockets and Lords Of Acid. Plus, the locking mechanism assures that we won’t experience that mid-afternoon weariness that so often plagued us in the past when overwhelmed with new data for such acts as Guster, India.Arie and Martina McBride, some of us would fall out of our old chairs and slump to the floor in despair, our mouths frothing at the lower lip, our entire bodies quivering in unimaginable stress and trauma.

However, we’re getting mixed signals regarding the levers that are positioned on the upper part of each chair and situated next to our right shoulders. Management says that the devices will help reduce employee down time. The instruction book refers to levers as “flush mechanisms.” However, management says not to worry, and that the purpose of the devices should become apparent sometime after our lunch break.

Gosh, are we spoiled or what?