“Come right in, Mr.Johnson! So, you’re the young man who wants to work for us. Do you know what the job entails?”

“Uh, no. Just something about driving and concerts.”

“That’s right, Mr. Johnson. Here’s the deal. We’ve been contracted by the government to transport weapons-grade plutonium to various cities throughout America.”

“Sounds easy enough.”

“Oh, it is, Mr. Johnson, however, I should mention that there’s a downside with this job.”


“You see, Homeland Security feels that it’s best to disguise the shipments. So, instead of using a large, lead-encased truck, you’ll transport the nuclear material in a ’71 Volkswagen minibus.”

“That’s right up my alley. But what about wages?”

“That’s where the concerts come in, Mr. Johnson. You see, the government doesn’t want any financial paper trail on these deliveries, so we’re paying you in concert tickets. You drive to Salt Lake, you get a pair of tickets for David Gray. New York and it’s Peter Gabriel.”

“Hmmm, I’ve always wanted to see Guns N’ Roses and Def Leppard.”

“Drive our shipments to Omaha and San Diego and you’ll be front row, center. So, what do you say? Are you interested, Mr. Johnson?”

“I’m your man.”

“Great. Now, there are a few things I need to know. For instance, what’s your wig size?”

“Uh? Wig size?”

“You get a free wig once your hair starts falling out. But, don’t worry. As compensation, you’ll get backstage passes for all the big shows like Phish and Dave Matthews Band.”

“Fair enough. After all, it’s only hair. A small price to pay for going backstage and meeting Cher or Prince.

“Uh, yes. However, I should warn you, that once you start to glow, some of the stars might not be all that crazy about having you backstage. Seems that some of them, like Neil Diamond and John Tesh, have a problem with it. Go figure.”

“Such is life. What about a dental plan?”

“Full coverage until they fall out. About six to eight weeks. So, are you in, Mr. Johnson?”

“Lemmee see if I have this straight. You want me to drive a Volkswagen minibus delivering weapons-grade plutonium to all the major cities in the country. However, instead of money, you’re going to pay me in concert tickets. Plus, after my hair falls out, you’ll give me a wig and backstage passes to meet artists like Jewel or Mark Knopfler.”

“That’s pretty much it, Mr. Johnson. What do you say? Do you want the job?”

“I got to admit, it all sounds very good. But there’s one thing that’s bothering me.”

“What’s that?”

“Didn’t you mention something about a downside?”