“I’m pleased to be here, Larry.”

“Derek, I’m gonna be blunt. Each year fans spend millions of dollars on concerts. They buy tickets for Ben Taylor Band and they buy T-shirts for Jimmy Buffett, not to mention the money they spend on parking for Bruce Springsteen or The Rolling Stones. In fact, some even say that half of the R.E.M. fans in the world are, as we speak, seeing their favorite band in concert while the other half is currently looking for a parking space. My question for you, Derek, that is, if I may call you Derek, is; Who is Justin Timberlake really dating these days?”


“Oh, I’m sorry, Derek, but it’s almost time for our next guest. Folks, we’ll be right back after this word from our sponsor.”

“Hi, I’m Larry King. Folks, do you worry about your heart? I used to. That is before I got the ACME Pocket Defibrillator. Now I’m enjoying life to its fullest without worrying about those pesky heart murmurs or bothersome palpitations. The ACME Pocket Defibrillator runs on two AA batteries and is perfect for those moments when you need a jump start yet don’t have the time to call 911. Just slap the alligator clips onto your nipples, press the ‘clear’ button and you’re up and running for another six months. Take it from me, Larry King. With an ACME Pocket Defibrillator, you’ll keep going and going and going!”

“Hi folks, and welcome back to Larry King Live, where tonight’s topic is concerts. I’m Larry King and our next guest is legendary rock critic, Lester Bangs. Lester, welcome to Larry King Live.”

“Thank you, Larry. It’s a pleasure -“

“If I may interrupt, and I may because Larry King Live is my show. In fact, that’s why they named it after me, Larry King. Lester, you’ve reviewed some of the biggest acts in the biz, including Counting Crows and Guster. You’re on a first-name basis with Jethro Tull. Sheryl Crow and Vince Neil are godparents to your youngest child, and you recently won a Pulitzer for your analytical tome entitled Blue Oyster Cult; Reinventing The Cow Bell. Lester, my question for you tonight is; Do you get your tickets for free or do you have to pay for them?”


“Well, folks, that’s all the time we have for tonight. Please join me tomorrow night for an in-depth look at music piracy. Who’s doing it? Why are they doing it! Where are they doing it? What’s the RIAA going to do about it and when are they going to do it to you? That’s tomorrow night on Larry King Live. I’m Larry King. Goodnight!