Well, not all the employees, for this strange proboscis growth affected only the men in our company. It started in our sales department, but before you start making Pinocchio-like comparisons, you should remember that a Pollstar.com salesperson is as honest as the day is long. It’s against their genetic makeup to tell a lie. Clearly the answer was to be found elsewhere.

Yet, the noses continued to grow, and the affliction spread to our data entry department, where the elongated schnozollas quickly got in the way of entering dates for Bright Eyes, Yeah Yeah Yeahs and Zakk Wylde’s Black Label Society. However, we have to admit, they were a great help when it came to sniffing out the new dates for Bruce Springsteen & The E Street Band and Oleander, as well as for finding the secret Jack Daniels stash hidden in our VP of Support Acts office. Yeah, we sure got a snoot-full that time.

Of course, there were some other problems. Employee #3419 raised a ruckus when she claimed that Employee #9182 leaned over and snorted up her peanuts while she was busy proofing the schedule for Slightly Stoopid. And Employee #2911, who suffers from hay fever, kept having to leave his cubicle and walk down the hall in order to blow his nose, thus hindering him from processing the latest Leon Russell itinerary. And as you can guess, our Box Office Editor’s Jimmy Durante impersonations got old real fast.

“It’s not the size of the nose, but what’s in it that matters,” goes the old adage. Regardless of all the six-inch, seven-inch or eight-inch snouts getting in the way, we still had work to do. We had new schedules for Mogwai and Avail to process as well as updates for Embodyment, Brad Mehldau and Herbie Hancock. And what are a few nose prints on the monitors, anyway? Nothing that a combination of Windex and Dristan won’t take care of.

Yes, it sure was a day for the record books. That day when the men of Pollstar.com grew their noses long while the ladies looked on in awe and amazement. That day when nostrils ruled the day and our sniffers were standing tall and straight in the warm Fresno sunshine.

That day our HMO, Concert Permanente, mixed up the Botox treatments with our Viagra prescriptions.

Oh, look! Employee #3811 just walked into the edge of that countertop. That’s gotta hurt.

On the other hand, he probably didn’t feel a thing.