“No, Larry, I had to let someone go. One of my accountants.”

“Oh, that’s too bad. What was the problem? Embezzlement? Theft?”

“I wish it were that simple, but it was much worse than that. Several of the employees overheard him badmouthing Pearl Jam in the company lunchroom.”

Despite how thoroughly you screen your potential employees, there’s still the possibility that you’ll hire someone who’s “not quite right” for your company…

“I know what you’re going through, George. It’s hard to find good employees these days. For example, last week I was just about to hire a new account executive, but my other employees told me that they heard him cutting down David Lee Roth. Said Diamond Dave couldn’t sing worth a damn.”

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“I had a similar problem last month when one of my VPs was seen downtown on a Saturday bitchin’ out the Ticketmaster clerk over the service charges for Bon Jovi and Meat Loaf. I mean, what’s this world coming to?”

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“I hear you, George. We have the finest concert system in the world, yet there’s always someone complaining about their seats for Ash or the ticket prices for Superjoint Ritual and Ministry. Disgusting.”

But it doesn’t stop there. We’ll tell you how they behaved at a R.E.M. show, whether or not they showed enthusiasm for Michael Bolton and Pat Benatar, and most importantly of all, whether or not they stayed for all the encores at a Phish concert…

“These people make me sick. They don’t know how good they have it in this country. Always complaining about Yanni or griping about the parking at Cher concerts or Allman Brothers Band shows. Heck, every time I hear one of these so-called concert fans complaining about the sound quality at a Dead show or the long lines at the snack bar for Avril Lavigne and Fleetwood Mac, I want to tell them that if they don’t like it here they should go live somewhere else. Like Canada.”

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“I know what you mean, George. Like just the other day when my security chief told me he overheard someone in one of the bathroom stalls dissing the boss.”

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“No! You mean he was complaining about Springsteen?”

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“Uh, no. He was talking about me.”