“How did the big meeting go, dear? Did they like your script?”

“They turned me down. They said my screenplay was ‘unbelievable.'”

“Well, you have to admit, it is kind of out there. Let me guess, they didn’t like the setting.”

“You mean the beach resort where all the stars go to chill? They loved that. Especially the scenes with Fleetwood Mac playing volleyball against the Eagles, and Elton John building sandcastles with the Hanson brothers.”

“Then I’ll bet they didn’t like the story line about the shark.”

“Nah, they went ga-ga over the shark. Especially about how I wanted Keith Richards to play the salty old sea captain that the resort hires to hunt it down.”

“Maybe it was the UFO.”

“No, they loved the UFO. And they really liked my idea of having Glen Campbell play the lineman for the county who has a close encounter with the spaceship while investigating a power blackout.”

“Well, maybe they didn’t like Glen’s character development. After all, he is a little spacey.”

“You’d be spacey, too, if a close encounter with an alien species left you with an obsession for a particular female star. Heck, they really loved the scene where he builds a 12-foot statue from mashed potatoes of Cher belting `Gypsies, Tramps and Thieves.'”

“Oh, I know what it was. They didn’t like the mothership.”

“Hah! They absolutely adored the mothership. Especially when the mothership lands on a mountain in Wyoming and Ted Nugent strolls down the ramp, walks up to Glen and says, `I hear you have a shark problem.’ Their eyes lit up when I told them about that scene.”

“Then I don’t get it. What didn’t they like about your script?”

“That scene whereTed dispatches the shark using nothing but his bare hands and a guitar pick?”


“And then afterward, all the other rock stars celebrate by getting together and holding the biggest concert the world has ever seen?”

“You mean the free concert with Aerosmith, Radiohead, Neil Young, Bruce Springsteen, Tom Petty and ZZ Top? And they had a problem with that? What’s the matter? Couldn’t they imagine all those stars on one stage?”

“Oh, they had no trouble picturing the show.”

“Then –“

“They had a problem imagining that the show would be free.”

“And they turned you down because of that? That’s terrible.”

“I know. And to think they have the nerve to call themselves the SciFi Channel.”