“Not so fast, Horace. We still have to wait sixty seconds for the test results.”

“And then what?”

“Well, Horace, if the strip turns blue, it means our child will grow up to become a booking agent.”

“A booking agent, eh? You know, Zelda, that could really work out for us. A booking agent could arrange for all the shows to fit in with our schedule. That way we wouldn’t have to skip work to see Bob Dylan or drive 200 miles to see ‘Weird Al’ Yankovic or Living Colour. I’d love having a booking agent for a son or daughter.”

“Not so fast, Horace. Booking agent is only one of the possibilities. If the strip turns red, it means our son or daughter will grow up to become an artist manager.”

“A manager? That could have its advantages, Zelda. Think of all the free CDs we’d get if our child grew up to become an artist manager.”

“But what if our child ends up managing a one-hit wonder? I don’t know, Horace. I don’t think I want to spend the next nine months having morning sickness and bizarre food cravings only to end up with a garage full of CDs that nobody wants. On the other hand, the strip could turn green.”

“Which means?”

“Which means our son or daughter could grow up to become a venue manager. Wouldn’t that be great, Horace? Our son or daughter might end up managing an arena like Madison Square Garden, or an amphitheatre like the Greek Theatre.”

“Or maybe even a stadium. Gosh, Zelda, if our kid became a stadium manager, he or she could give us tickets for all of those big shows like Metallica’S Summer Sanitarium tour or Bruce Springsteen & The E Street Band. Plus, we could get season baseball tickets. And you know how I love baseball, Zelda.”

“I sure do, Horace, but what if our son or daughter ends up in Detroit managing Comerica Park?”

“It would mean we’d have to watch the Tigers all summer. Hmmm… Maybe a venue manager isn’t such a good idea after all. What other choices do we have, Zelda?”

“Well, Horace, if it turns purple, it means our son or daughter will become a concert promoter.”

“A promoter? Now you’re cooking with gas, Zelda. If our child becomes a promoter, we’ll get all the free tickets we want, like for Festival Con Dios, Goldfrapp and Eels. Plus, we’ll also get discounts on parking, seat upgrades, maybe even backstage passes. Yes, a promoter would be a great addition to the family.”

“Oh, look at the clock. It’s time to check the strip. I’m so excited!”

“Me, too, Zelda. So, what color is the strip? Blue for booking agent? Red for manager? Green for venue manager? Purple for promoter?”

“It’s… It’s… It’s orange.”

“Uh?”

“It’s orange, Horace. And according to the directions, orange means our son or daughter will grow up to become, lessee… Here it is… He or she will grow up to become the president of the RIAA, and… and… Horace? What’s wrong, Horace? Say something, Horace.”

“Uh… About this test.”

“Yes?”

“You wanna go for two out of three?”