Sure, we’ve heard the rumors – people claiming that tickets for big acts like Norah Jones or Def Leppard have risen so dramatically in recent years that some fans have had to resort to drastic measures, like sneaking a fiver from Mom’s purse to buy tickets for American Hi-Fi, or dipping into the change cup at Starbucks while an accomplice distracts the clerk by throwing a chocolate mocha venti against the wall in order to afford the convenience charges for Coldplay – and we can understand why people are concerned about ticket prices. However, those who criticize the cost per ticket for Peter Gabriel or Cher, are overlooking one small, but very important fact:

High ticket prices are good for you.

First off, high ticket prices keep out the riff-raff. For instance, when was the last time you were sitting in the front row for Anne Murray or Cherish The Ladies, and the person next to you upchucked a Big Mac, fries and a six of Bud all over your brand new Guccis? Probably hasn’t happened in years, right? While not 100 percent proven, leading economists now suggest that the number of occurrences of this revolting concert phenomena, otherwise known as “Technicolor Applause,” rapidly diminishes for shows costing over $75 for a prime seat. Furthermore, appearances of known concert pests such as arm pit farmers, nostril excavators and the toilet paper-challenged are virtually nil when tickets for Crosby, Stills & Nash or Jimmy Buffett are just a tad more expensive than dinner for two at a restaurant that uses real silverware. That is, nonexistent everywhere but in Mississippi and some counties in the Texas Panhandle.

We have this theory. We think people are nicer when they pay over $50 for a ticket to see their favorite act. In fact, we believe that the cheapest seat for any band or artist, no matter if it’s Lifehouse, Little Feat or Elton John, shouldn’t be priced any lower than $55. Furthermore, we believe that the music just sounds nicer when you’ve spent well over $100 for a pair of tickets for Bruce Springsteen or Liza Minnelli. Make no mistake about it – the higher the ticket, the better the show.

Of course, it’s just a theory, and we can’t really prove our hypothesis. After all, we always get our tickets for free.