“Welcome to Pox & Friends on the Pox News Network. Coming up next is Steve with the latest in entertainment news. Say, Steve, what’s happening on the concert scene?”

“I’m glad you asked, E.D. matchbox twenty announced a new tour this week. The band will play over 46 cities this spring, including Denver, Memphis and Atlanta.”

“46 dates? That’s a very busy schedule, Steve.”

“You said it, E.D. But if you look close enough at the routing, you can still make out Bill Clinton’s influence on the local promoters, as well as the remnants of the Whitewater scandal that still permeates the entire concert industry.”

“Some things never change, do they Steve? What about that new Peter Gabriel tour?”

“Same old, same old, E.D. It’s got ‘liberal, left wing agenda written all over it. Especially when you consider that Peter is playing Atlanta, Milwaukee and Chicago during June. A perfect example of tax and spend Democrats in action. You can bet Tom Daschle and Ted Kennedy will be sitting front row center when this tour comes to your town.”

“That doesn’t surprise me, Steve. What about Def Leppard?”

“Tour kicks off this month. Look for stops in Pittsburgh and Cleveland.”

“Really? That band is one of my favorites. Say, any chance you can score some tickets for the Pox News Network staff?”

“No can do, E.D. As everyone knows, complimentary tickets are reserved for gutless liberals and are never given out to true Americans like you or me.”

“Thank you for the report. Next is our guest commentator, Ann Coulter, with a review of last night’s Bruce Springsteen concert. Ann?”

“#@$#ing liberals! Kill them all! Whack! Whack! Whack! Snuff! Snuff! Snuff! Pop! Pop! Pop!”

“Thank you, Ann, for your insightful report. And that’s about all the time we have for today, folks. Be sure to join us tomorrow when we present an in-depth report entitled ‘Service Charges. Convenience fees? Or another treasonous attempt by the radical left wing to subjugate concert goers and deliver this great nation into the hands of its enemies?’ That’s coming up tomorrow on the Pox News Network where we present headlines, fair and balanced. Ta! Ta!”