Tours de Farce: Guilty Pleasures
Can there be too much of a good thing? Can one o.d. on Neil Young? Is it dangerous to binge on Mark Knopfler and Pete Yorn? Should one purge after seeing Peter Gabriel, Kid Koala and Vans Warped Tour?
These are the questions we face in this anorexic-ridden, obesity-stricken world in which we live. How does a continuous diet of “Weird Al” Yankovic shows affect the brain? Will our cholesterol rise if we spoil ourselves with too many Eagles concerts? And if so, will a steady diet of Norah Jones reduce the risk? Or are warnings about seeing too many concerts similar to those old admonitions our parents used to give out daily during our teenage years about pimples arising from consuming too much chocolate and way too many french fries smothered in ketchup? Or mayonnaise if your British.
Moderation is the key, or so they say. But should one limit one’s intake of seeing great shows by Sandip Burman or matchbox twenty? Should one exercise self control when it comes to concerts? Perhaps choosing to see Dave Matthews Band instead of The Donnas? Or does seeing shows like Piebald, O.A.R. and Everclear at every opportunity eventually lead to standing up before a room filled with strangers and saying something like, “My name’s Bob, and I’m a concertholic?”
We don’t have all the answers. In fact, no matter how many concerts we see, such as Mea, Jucifer or Karl Denson’s Tiny Universe, we always find ourselves wanting more. Sure, seeing Fleetwood Mac or Public Enemy may result in momentary gratification, but we soon find ourselves making plans for more shows, and concepts of self-restraint, along with self-discipline and self-abuse, vanish as quickly as so many cancelled Guns N’ Roses shows and so many unlit Bic lighters so desperately wanting an encore.
Too many concerts? One might as well worry about breathing too much air, drinking too many glasses of water or using too much toilet paper. In fact, in our humble opinion, there aren’t enough concerts. We need more Blue Oyster Cult shows and more additional dates for Bruce Springsteen & The E Street Band. If we ruled the world every day would be Yanni day and there would be new onsales for Cher, Bon Jovi and the Red Elvises each and every week. Yes, things would be different if we were in charge.
But we’re not in charge. At least, not yet. But we’re working on it. Working toward that glorious day when all dates are firm dates, shows are never cancelled or postponed, and all venue restrooms are sparkling clean. For there are only three certainties in life – taxes, death and service charges for Dillinger Escape Plan, Bad Company’s Paul Rodgers and Annie Lennox, and if given our choice, we’ll gladly pick what’s behind door number three, and Monte can keep what’s behind doors numbered one and two.
Reprints of this article available upon request.