Features
Tours de Farce: Habitually Yours
Do you feel a chill sweep through your bones every time you hear about a new date for Martina McBride? Do you break out in cold sweats every time you walk by the Ticketmaster? Do you lie awake at night thinking about the cities on the Patti Smith schedule or the venues on The Hellacopters tour? Are your days filled with visions of James Gregory and Alice Cooper playing in your town? Are you obsessed with reserved seating for Cher, general admission for Bruce Springsteen & The E Street Band and service charges for Meat Loaf, Korn and Mike Watt And The Secondmen?
Does this sound like you?
Medical science isn’t sure what causes concert addiction. Some researchers claim that it’s the environment while others lay the blame on diet and personal hygiene habits. Then there are those who believe that concert addiction begins gradually, sparked by a good seat for Phish or perhaps a sizzling encore by Jewel or The Rolling Stones, leading one down the road to four, five, even six shows a week until one becomes obsessed with live musical entertainment.
But one thing everybody agrees on is that there are over 150 million concert addicts in the USA alone. People who would trade their first-born for a seat for The Dead, sell their car for tickets for Bon Jovi and Paul McCartney, and skimp on buying toilet tissue so that they may use the money to see Adema, Gary U.S. Bonds and Peter Gabriel.
Who are these people?
Unfortunately there are no outward signs of concert addiction, and those caught in its grip look like any other person. But make no mistake, they will do anything and sacrifice everything to buy tickets for shows, no matter if it’s Iris DeMent, Tishamingo or Sheryl Crow. And heaven help those who stand in their way.
Are you one of them?
Do you feel that itch whenever you see the Dixie Chicks name in lights on a theatre marquee, maybe a quickening of the pulse whenever you hear that Gin Blossoms are coming to town? Does your entire body tremble with convulsions whenever you see new tour listings, say the latest for Joe Cocker or Sawyer Brown, on this Website? Do you end up pressing your naked flesh against the monitor while screaming, “More! More! I want more!”
Relax. That’s perfectly normal. You’re not a concert addict. At least, not yet.
However, practice does make perfect.